We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She's the barista slut.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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