he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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