Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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