do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
