After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
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