Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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