when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
