Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
