if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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