isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
