so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
