Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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