Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
