Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
