I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
