I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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