Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
