I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
if i died would you start the facebook group?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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