What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
