my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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