I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
