Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
