I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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