I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I wear drunk well.
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