bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
