Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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