Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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