the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
