yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
