This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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