The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
