life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my sisters under your porch take her home
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
