hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
