it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
