oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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