Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize