Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
