just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
