Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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