i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
