my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Randomize
