I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
