please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
