I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
