What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
