If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
