Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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