So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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