He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I would fuck him just for his dog
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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