Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
