I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
