Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
