sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
