did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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