i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize