I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
