I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
