Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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