You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
