I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
