the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
