Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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