you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
