Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
