I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
