she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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