i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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